Roid rage

You're an adult male. You seem reasonably "normal". You got up during the night to go to the toilet. As you shuffled down the hallway, I know you were a little hazy, believe me I know. It was sometime in the hours before dawn. You squinted when you turned on the bathroom light. It's annoying when you have to wake up isn't it? A few minutes later as you sat there, staring down at the red dot on the toilet paper in your right hand (or was it your left?), there was a decision point. This was your moment. Your chance to step up....

But you picked up the phone and called for an ambulance.

When we arrived, you explained you had suffered from hemorrhoids on and off for years, you showed us your range of ointments and your little cushion, you explained 'they' had bled before. Your level of detail was as excruciating for me as your "delicate problem" apparently is for you.

Thank-you for saving the fold of toilet paper as "proof" that you weren't kidding. I believe you, really I do. I believe they are annoying. I believe they are painful. What I also believe is; you don't under any conceivable circumstance, need an ambulance for an irritated hemorrhoid.

Grrrr.